Elderly parents *sigh*

[Lorraine]

So I've progressed from issues with the child (now all grown up and living elsewhere) to more frustrating issues with an ageing Mother.

I'm 99% certain she has Dementia but refuses to be tested. I've started to hate the sound of my phone ringing as it will be another problem I need to help with.

As we're all that bit older now I was wondering if anybody else is going through it too?

[KingsleyAnus]

My Dad (82 this month) comes out with some right bizarre bollocks, but I'm not sure if it's Alzheimers or just reading the Daily Express

[Lorraine]

My Dad (82 this month) comes out with some right bizarre bollocks, but I'm not sure if it's Alzheimers or just reading the Daily Express

There's a fine line isn't there!

My Mum has started watching GB News too.

Is he needing help with daily tasks? I've read that they tend to lose their most recently learned skills first, so it's the mobile phone and tablet that I'm having to go round and sort out. She also gets passwords, usernames and email addresses confused.

[KingsleyAnus]

Tbh him and mam seem OK with day to day life. Like the dad of Shite 80s Observational Comedy, he never got the hang of setting the video to record stuff, so tech ineptitude isn't much use as an assessment of dementia

[Beaker]

Similar, but grandmother who calls me Charles half the time. She is pushing 100 though, and has finally admitted last year she dodn't feel safe driving any more, so there is SOME grasp on reality still.

[KingsleyAnus]

Simon Evans, the "right wing hate comedian" (copyright some daft sod on Bluesky) has a good bit about the advance of technologies. Everything which was invented before you were about 7 is just a natural part of existence. Everything invented or popularised between then and 40 is exciting. And everything invented AFTER you're 40 is THE WORK OF THE DEVIL.

[Lorraine]

Similar, but grandmother who calls me Charles half the time. She is pushing 100 though, and has finally admitted last year she dodn't feel safe driving any more, so there is SOME grasp on reality still.

Oh my God. I was so relieved when my Mum sold her car. She kept taking it to the garage complaining it was cutting out whilst driving. (I think she was stalling it but her brain couldn't comprehend it).

[KingsleyAnus]

Similar, but grandmother who calls me Charles half the time. She is pushing 100 though, and has finally admitted last year she dodn't feel safe driving any more, so there is SOME grasp on reality still.

My Grandma started calling me George towards the end. We THINK she was confusing me for someone who died in the 1950s.

Never know now, she carked it in January 2020. 6 months shy of rhe telegram from Her Maj. Extremely on-brand, she always left everything early to beat the traffic.

[KingsleyAnus]

We THINK she was confusing me for someone who died in the 1950s.

And before any cunt says it, especiallly the fruit of my own overactive loins, YES I KNOW that I do look like I died in etc

[TarnishedGlitter]

My mum is still working (as a nurse in a nursing home) but I really think she needs to slow down a bit. That's just her though, I don't think age is an issue particulary, she has various grandkids two days a week too. She moans about doing too much but then continues to do too much.

My dad is older though, and going blind and deaf but making it everyone elses problem rather than wearing his bloody hearing aids. He can't really do anything about his eyes but he wouldn't be as affected if he could hear. SIGH. He had a DIGGER this week in the back garden. He's not legally allowed to drive because he can't see well enough but nothing bad seemed to have happened, and my neices and nephews all thought it was amazing. He can't take his drink as well but he does seem aware of this and will randomly announce its time to go home from the pub suddenly when he feels he has hit his limit. People keep approaching him to ask if he is Farmer Jim off Brassic.

It is a worry though. I dread to think what they will be like later in life. Dad especially will be a liability.

[Gibby]

My mum passed in the late COVID era (not of COVID, of something worse) so my dad is alone and 200 miles away. Well, nearby brother, and his son gives my dad some daily activity as a carer.

I sometimes have to fix his computer when I journey north to find his Facebook full of rage against...Nicola Sturgeon....and he's never been to Scotland since 1973?

He's reasonably fit and well though.

[KingsleyAnus]

People keep approaching him to ask if he is Farmer Jim off Brassic.

Full disclosure, the bloke who ACTUALLY IS Farmer Jim off Brassic did comment on your dad's resemblance to Farmer Jim off Brassic.

[Lorraine]

So I was told to 'shush' whilst on the phone with my Mum today.
She was talking about taking money out of her account and said "you never know who's listening in".

I replied with "Mum, you're not Prince Harry".

I was a bit short with her today. She's decided she'll never use an alarm/pendant service because she used to work in the offices there and there's "too much background noise". So I asked if there's an alternative provider that she'd consider to be told there wasn't one.
So I was a bit snappy saying she'd rather just phone me or my sister at 3am when we have our own lives and jobs to go to.
I spotted a micro smirk on her face before saying "well, yes".

Sometimes I wonder if she's testing us.

[Lorraine]

I've decided today that I'm not taking money from my Mum anymore. She's often used it as a manipulation tool but now I don't want her forgetting that she helped me with, for example, my MOT costs and accusing me of stealing from her.

If I really believe that she has Dementia I can't be taking her money at all, no matter how often she offers.

Having a moral compass is going to cost me money, lol.

[Sugarmouse]

I have no advice but just to note that I am reading and feeling a lot of sympathy for you, I can imagine so many people go through this and it seems just so hard. It's one of my worst fears.

[Lorraine]

I have no advice but just to note that I am reading and feeling a lot of sympathy for you, I can imagine so many people go through this and it seems just so hard. It's one of my worst fears.

I've only just stopped caring for my son recently and the thought of getting into it again for somebody that I don't like all that much is stressing me quite a bit. I love her but I don't like her.
My sister keeps reminding me that she doesn't want her inheritance being spent on care, and Mum won't accept care either, so it will be down to us.

[Sugarmouse]

I seem to remember it was always a complex relationship from the little you did post about it.

And yes you must've been feeling somewhat free, from caring duties until things progressed here

[Dogzilla]

My sister keeps reminding me that she doesn't want her inheritance being spent on care, and Mum won't accept care either, so it will be diwn to us.

Does she actually mean down to you?

[Lorraine]

My sister keeps reminding me that she doesn't want her inheritance being spent on care, and Mum won't accept care either, so it will be diwn to us.

Does she actually mean down to you?

Good point!

She has a full time job so has said she can't help as much as I can. I've just applied for a full time job though so I'll be in the same boat if I get that.

She's quietly hoping she dies before it gets to that point but I keep pointing out that she's physically quite well. She could be around for another 10/15 years yet.

Not that I have kids that could take care of us but me and my hubby have agreed to get into care as soon as we think we need it. It doesn't frighten us. It could be because I work in care, I know what to expect.

[Lorraine]

So I'm now the one that can't be trusted, apparently.
Mum phoned my sister saying "be careful with Lorraine. She's seen what's in my bank account and she can get into everything".

This is because I can retrieve her forgotten passwords and use verification codes. I'm a hacker and a thief.

[Lorraine]

Mum made friends with me again because she needed me for something.

And today we had a breakthrough. She let me go with her to see her GP about anxiety. I was only supposed to help her out if she got stuck for words. Little does she know that I'd contacted the surgery asking to pass a message to the doctor that I had concerns about dementia but wasn't allowed to bring it up.

Well, the doctor was AMAZING with her. She got her trust and gave her loads of time. She's now getting a blood and urine test and being referred to the memory clinic.

I'm so happy.

She'll probably cancel if she goes through a fighting spell again, but at least she's being looked at.

[Sugarmouse]

Mum made friends with me again because she needed me for something.

And today we had a breakthrough. She let me go with her to see her GP about anxiety. I was only supposed to help her out if she got stuck for words. Little does she know that I'd contacted the surgery asking to pass a message to the doctor that I had concerns about dementia but wasn't allowed to bring it up.

Well, the doctor was AMAZING with her. She got her trust and gave her loads of time. She's now getting a blood and urine test and being referred to the memory clinic.

I'm so happy.

She'll probably cancel if she goes through a fighting spell again, but at least she's being looked at.

There are some times in life where being sneaky is not a bad thing! She'll get the help she needs and hopefully you will have some respite from it all.


My Mum is 79 and has hypothyroidism meaning she is unable to each much at all without putting on weight. Despite this she's still fairly slim (about a size 12)but she's very weight conscious and went on some weight loss injections not long ago.

Long story short she ended up in hospital with colitis. The doctors treating her said that although they couldn't definitively say it was caused by the WLIs, they strongly suspected it and with her health history being clean otherwise, they have no doubt that it wasn't anything else. She was very ill, a lot of blood and very weak, it was frightening as we've never seen her so poorly, she's still swimming every morning and comes for walks with me several times a week, health is fine usually, not a typical 'olde lady' at all.

I was so mad with the company for giving them to her! She has a bit of a belly but is hardly obese and wasn't eating a lot in the first place. I thought the main USP of those injections was as an appetite suppressant. I was also a bit mad with her for now knowing better.

She's trying to get some different medications for the hypothyroidism now which hopefully will mean she is not needing to starve herself to stay a perfectly normal weight.

[Lorraine]

Mum made friends with me again because she needed me for something.

And today we had a breakthrough. She let me go with her to see her GP about anxiety. I was only supposed to help her out if she got stuck for words. Little does she know that I'd contacted the surgery asking to pass a message to the doctor that I had concerns about dementia but wasn't allowed to bring it up.

Well, the doctor was AMAZING with her. She got her trust and gave her loads of time. She's now getting a blood and urine test and being referred to the memory clinic.

I'm so happy.

She'll probably cancel if she goes through a fighting spell again, but at least she's being looked at.

There are some times in life where being sneaky is not a bad thing! She'll get the help she needs and hopefully you will have some respite from it all.


My Mum is 79 and has hypothyroidism meaning she is unable to each much at all without putting on weight. Despite this she's still fairly slim (about a size 12)but she's very weight conscious and went on some weight loss injections not long ago.

Long story short she ended up in hospital with colitis. The doctors treating her said that although they couldn't definitively say it was caused by the WLIs, they strongly suspected it and with her health history being clean otherwise, they have no doubt that it wasn't anything else. She was very ill, a lot of blood and very weak, it was frightening as we've never seen her so poorly, she's still swimming every morning and comes for walks with me several times a week, health is fine usually, not a typical 'olde lady' at all.

I was so mad with the company for giving them to her! She has a bit of a belly but is hardly obese and wasn't eating a lot in the first place. I thought the main USP of those injections was as an appetite suppressant. I was also a bit mad with her for now knowing better.

She's trying to get some different medications for the hypothyroidism now which hopefully will mean she is not needing to starve herself to stay a perfectly normal weight.

A young man I used to care for has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and is very overweight since being on steroids during his teen years. He started on Mounjaro (sp?) and he had to send a photo of his body to prove he was obese before he could order from them. I was impressed that they weren't willing to give it to just anybody.
They were working for him but he didn't like some of the symptoms so stopped. Another friend is on the same one and says she hardly thinks about food now. It's an odd drug.

I take Levothyroxine for hypothyroidism. I get my blood tested every 12 months and the dose adjusted accordingly. I have occasional heart palpitations but can't feel if my dose needs adjusting otherwise. I don't think it hinders weight loss for me. The doctor said if the dose is correct I'm just like anybody else. A lot of people blame their thyroid for being obese, but really, only untreated hypothyroidism slows your metabolism down.

I've started cutting down on food. I'm not working, mostly sitting around whilst healing, so I don't need so many calories going in. When I'm recovered I'm going to really try to get my health back. I'm fed up of being fat and out of shape now.

[Sugarmouse]

Her endocrinologist confirmed she wasn't on the correct dose, so that could be part of it. They're not being helpful in changing them though.

[Lorraine]

My Mum has deteriorated this week. She's been admitted to hospital and FINALLY getting proper dementia tests done.
Trouble is, she's been told she's medically fit for discharge so can't understand why she can't go home. She just can't accept that she is hallucinating, filling in gaps in her memory with made up stories, and is falling out with everybody in the family by saying really hurtful things.
I don't know how to speak to her. Her mental capacity fluctuates so I don't want to just tell her she's right about everything. I'm happy to go with her in her World eventually but not yet.
She's passing basic memory tests ok. I hope they go further into other cognitive tests. It took her 10 minutes to open the zip on her handbag today.